Roberts/ Ferney Baseball Organization

This probably won't be funny to anyone except for me and Justin (and possibly our families), but we went out to dinner tonight and had a funny conversation. Justin always tells me that he is going to own the San Francisco Giants one day. Today he told me that when he owns a baseball team he is going to hire our family members for all his important positions. We started going through all of our family members and assigning a position for each of them. This took a lot of effort but we finally came up with a position for everyone. This is meant to be funny so no one be offended :)

Justin- Team Owner: Responsible for making all of the important decisions and running the show as well as somehow becoming a millionaire.

Debbie- Organizer: Aka: Person who is really in charge.

Dave- Team Doctor/ Trainer: Dad will take care of all our medical needs. I doubt the team will need very many colonoscopies (although the CFO might), so he may have to brush up on his orthopeidic knowledge. Listening to books on tape will be allowed during slow games ONLY.

Bruce- CFO: Team accountant- in charge of all the money and making sure the IRS doesn't take too much of it. Don't even think of retiring any time soon! Please do not decorate your office with the elk head- taxes, not taxidermy.

Teri- Marketing Director: After years of cute Christmas cards and church hand-outs, we decided that mom would be good at marketing. We think advertising on hulu.com would be a good place to start as well as teaming up with Burger King. Dollar Whopper night at the ballpark?

Jeneva- Concessions: In charge of all the food/ drink (although she may need some help with the taste-testing). Even though she would be the person in charge, we can still imagine her dancing up and down the aisles selling peanuts! :)

Josh- Team Pharmacist/ Drug Tester: Handles all medication and steroid detection. We don't want to see you testifying in front of Congress. And FYI, we know how you drive so you will not be issued a company-owned vehicle.

Andrea- Kids Club Director: We want this to be a family friendly organization so we need someone who is good with kids to be in charge of our kids club. We think Andrea can handle the job. Don't worry, this will be in a non-smoking area of the stadium.

Lisa- Activities Director: We need a fun person to be in charge of all the activities. She will be in charge of the in-between innings activities which could include dot races, hula hoop contests, etc. Feel free to incorporate "Ice Ice Baby" and the "Electric Slide."

Jon- Head Scout/ Tour Guide: After a few years of coaching baseball, we think Jon could be our head scout. He would be in charge of recruiting and dealing with the minor league teams. Also, we need someone friendly and good with people to be in charge of giving stadium tours- Jon is just the guy! Please note that all tour guides will wear pink polos- I'm sure that won't be a problem.

Austin- Star Player: It looks like Austin has quite the potential to be a star baseball player. Jon would recruit him to be on our team and I'm sure he would be the #1 player. His job would be to take the team to the World Series! (We'll make sure there's a bathroom close to the field in case there is an in-game emergency)

Davis- Head of Security: I think this is my favorite one. He could teach all the security guards how to "head knock" anyone who tries to run out on the field. Don't mess with Davis!

Jenae- Head of Sales: This is a very important job. She would be in charge of ticket sales, memorabilia sales, and every other type of sales. We need someone with an outgoing and super aggressive personality who won't say no until she gets her way- perfect for Jenae.

Kristi- Team Organist: We want the games to have a very fun atmosphere so we need someone musically inclined to be in charge of the music throughout the game. We would definitely have a live organ, so Kristi would be in charge of playing the organ as well as serving as the team DJ throughout the games. Please start practicing Take Me Out to the Ballgame as soon as possible. Games start promptly at their scheduled time.

Jason- Public Relations: We need someone with good experience to be our public relations director. He would handle media relations and community outreach. We'll consider letting you keep your 4 day work week.

Brynne- Announcer: I guess the Giants have a female announcer, so Justin wants to keep that tradition going. Her memory skills would be crucial in helping her remember all the players' names and numbers. We'll even cheer for her whenever she does a good job.

Brooklyn- Bat Girl: She would be in charge of picking up the bats and balls out on the field. She's young and has the energy to run around throughout the game. Walking is a prerequisite for this position.

Grant- Team Pilot: Of course, Grant would be the team pilot and would be in charge of flying the team around the country to all the games. No texting while flying please. And please learn how to fly a blimp or a plane with a banner sticking out the end for all home games. This job does not include serving as the mechanic because we don't want the team plane to be in a million pieces without you knowing how to put it back together.

Shan- Fan Club President: We want there to be a big team fan club, so Shan would be in charge of recruiting members and running the club. We will let you wear basketball shorts, a t-shirt, and a hat to work as long as they match the team colors!

Ty- Facilities Manager: Another obvious one. He would be in charge of maintaining the stadium and everything else that facilities managers do. (Still not sure what that is) And FYI, the jumbo-tron cannot be used for video game parties.

Steph- Mascot/ Team Psychologist: We were trying to think of who would be a good team mascot and we decided that Steph can do the job. She's fun and outgoing/ attention-loving and could lead the crowd during the games. She would also be the team psychologist and help everyone with their mental problems, although we would make her take off her mascot costume during counseling sessions because that would probably be pretty creepy.

Leslie- Clubhouse Director: We decided that Leslie could be the one in charge of the clubhouse and make sure that all the players are happy. It would give her an excuse to hang out with all the cute boys :) And yes, you are allowed to text the players as part of your job.

Michael- General Manger: Michael obviously knows a lot about baseball so he would be the GM. He would be in charge of trades, contracts, and all those other important decisions. This could be a stressful job so we will throw a year's supply of candy and Chipotle burritos in his contract.

We will let you all know when we become multi-millionaires and can afford a baseball team. In the meantime, please start training for your positions as soon as possible. If you have a problem with your assigned position, tough luck- we're the boss!

We love you all and hopefully this gave you a good laugh- sure gave us one! :)